by Kristin Wing,
contributing writer

You joined a fraternity to make lifelong friends and learn leadership skills. Then one day, one of your brothers sends you a text message saying, “Run for an office at SAE! You would be great!” Chapter elections come and go. You get elected to an office. You go through a transition with the current officer, and the three-ring binder chocked full of forms and paperwork is passed to you like a baton at a relay meet. You feel like you have all the tools to be a leader in the chapter. Then you get a phone call or meet some older guy at a chapter meeting who says he’s your adviser. Huh? No one said anything about having an adviser.

A few years later …

You joined a fraternity to make lifelong friends and learn leadership skills. Sound familiar? Graduation happens, you begin to build a career, maybe you get married—and then the phone rings. It’s the brother you haven’t heard from in years, or it’s an alumnus from a nearby campus who somehow got your name and phone number. He starts reminiscing about all the great times you must have had in college and the strength of brotherhood, and perhaps the memories start flooding back to happy, carefree days at the chapter house. And then he asks, “Would you consider becoming an adviser at the chapter?” Huh? No one said anything about becoming an adviser.

Here’s a little-known fact. This is typically the way the relationship starts between a collegiate member and a Sigma Alpha Epsilon adviser. It feels a little awkward: the boundaries for the relationship aren’t very well-established, but you’re both expected to work together. How is that possible?

The good news is that obviously you have the bond of brotherhood, shared collegiate experiences and the special “glue” of brotherhood that has held fraternity men together for years. As a board chairperson and veteran adviser to both a sorority and fraternity, I’ve learned a few things over the years to help create healthy relationships between collegiate officers and alumni advisers. Too often I’ve seen these undergraduates and alumni thrown together with little direction or guidance. It’s kind of like dating: You meet, get to know each other and, it’s hoped, begin to support each other.

Frankly, I’ve made a lot of mistakes over the years too. But, here are a few ideas that are tried and true. Plus, they work.

If you’re an adviser:

Advisers give collegiate chapter members the support they need to accomplish their goals, reach their potential, live their values and see their vision fulfilled. Sure, it may sound idealistic. But advisers also help officers deal with nasty problems, think critically about big decisions and always, always keep the health of the chapter first. If you are new to the adviser role, there are a few expectations you need to understand.

1. Learn your collegiate officer’s job. Get the job description for the officer you are advising. Understand what is expected of him in this role. What forms does he need to complete? Are there big deadlines he has to meet? What normally gets in the way of his being able to do his job?
2. Communicate. You are the liaison between the chapter and the Fraternity. You need to be proactive with your collegiate officer. Ask about his class schedule. When is the best time to talk, or does he communicate better with text messages or e-mail? Set up a time, at least once a month, to talk face to face.
3. Be present. Attend advisory board meetings. Bring a quick report of what is going on with your officer to the meeting. If you can, show up at a chapter meeting or pop in for dinner with the chapter. Commit to participating.
4. Be respectful of the chapter and campus culture. If you are working with a chapter at a university or college that you did not attend, do a little research. Start reading the student newspaper, ask your officer what’s going on at the school and find out how the Greek-letter system is viewed.
5. Lead with integrity. You are a role model, so act like one. Be vigilant about values such as responsibility, trust, honesty, fairness and caring.
6. Know the boundaries. Be sure that you understand the Fraternity policies, chapter by-laws and local rules and regulations so you can help your officer be successful.
7. Avoid saying “When I was an SAE…” or “When I was an undergrad…” I have news for you. Times have changed. Flashbacks to your collegiate experience may not necessarily be relevant to what is going on today. Try not to use your fraternal experience as a model for today’s fraternal experience.

If you’re a collegiate officer:

1. Know your job. Take the time to understand what you are supposed to do in your office. You’ll need to know what is expected of you, what dates and deadlines are critical, etc.
2. Communicate with your adviser. I can’t count the number of times when a collegiate member had a problem and let it fester for days before contacting an adviser. Don’t wait. Find out the best way to reach your adviser (before work, after work, weekends). Does he prefer e-mail, text or phone? Be respectful of his time—and realize his communication preferences may differ greatly from yours. Many generations prefer faceto- face contact or phone calls versus text messages.
3. Return e-mails/text/voicemails. Sounds simple, right? Do it. Too often I’ve had to chase down officers or members to get an answer to a question. Set a goal to return a call within 24 hours. If you plan to have a professional career when you graduate, you should expect to become vigilant in your response time.
4. Think through a problem or challenge first. Then call your adviser. This rule works great in business, too. Have a problem? Come with a solution. Your adviser may not be up to speed on your by-laws or fraternity rules so always try to come with a solution to the problem. Chances are good that you can both find an answer.
5. Be honest. Be authentic. Most advisers work with collegiate chapters because they so enjoy watching young men learn how to lead and build skills that will take them from the classroom to the boardroom. If you have a great relationship with your adviser, just be yourself. Take the time to learn about your adviser, his family or his job—and you may find you may have more in common than you thought.

The most successful chapters understand the impact on a chapter from having strong relationships with collegiate officers and advisers. Just like other rewarding relationships in your life, if you put the time, energy and attention into it, both you and your chapter will see the benefits.

Kristin Wing is advisory board chairperson for Sigma Alpha Epsilon and was previously board chairperson for the Beta Kappa chapter of Delta Gamma at the University of Kansas. She can be contacted on Facebook or at kwing@kc.rr.com.