But traditions don’t always flourish. In fact, the long line of Monnets at Oklahoma Kappa nearly stopped in 2007, when it was time for Matt, the youngest, to choose his Greek affiliation. “The legacy aspect played a huge role in my decision,” he says. “In the rush process, I met a lot of guys. A few of them were also legacies. We talked, compared notes and became friends before we started pledging. We all got on the SAE bandwagon and don’t regret it at all.”

While that sounds like his decision was an easy one, his dad chimes in and gives us the whole story. “I had to put a little pressure on the rush guys to get their act together,” Bob says. “There was another house he was interested in, and I didn’t care for it.”

Continuing the Monnet name may not have been quick and painless, but Matt says it was all worthwhile when he saw just what an exclusive club he joined. “You see a lot of fathers down in the chapter room,” he says, “but rarely do you see a third or a fourth generation.”

Learning Lessons from History

The Fraternity experience — even when stretched to five years or longer — is a short time in a man’s life. A chapter’s institutional memory is even shorter. Traditions rise and fall in just a few pledge classes, and what one group swears to be a long-standing practice may not have existed just a decade earlier. Many positive events, such as Paddy Murphy week, can be informed by those traditions. But sometimes, the negative ones can get their starts under the guise of harmless pranks but evolve into a cancer that can harm a chapter’s core. The Monnets, who have collectively seen nearly the entire 20th century at Oklahoma Kappa, prove that something like hazing is one of those negative events.

“I remember my years and my father’s years in the chapter,” Charles says. “There was no hazing.” But Bob tells a different story.

“When I came along,” he says, “hazing was the tradition. It seemed like it had been there forever.”

“There was no hazing in the house,” Charles counters. “I can tell you that hazing is not a tradition.”

By discussing their respective experiences, the men illustrate a point that Sigma Alpha Epsilon has been making for years: That evolution, from joke to prank to “harmless” initiation rituals to full-blown hazing is often quick and can work to the detriment of the chapter. 2009 saw the release of We Stand Together, the Fraternity’s newest anti-hazing initiative. The program takes a unique approach, using all groups — from active members to parents to administrators — to play a role in recognizing ways to build brotherhood, not tear it down.

And there’s yet another connection to the history of Sigma Alpha Epsilon that the Monnets demonstrate. Oklahoma Kappa was the home chapter of John O. Moseley, one of the Fraternity’s most luminous alumni. He was the man who created the annual Leadership School which, in 2009, celebrated its 74th year. The three men have that connection to the annual school and, while none of them had the benefit of attending, they carry that tradition forward.

But, despite the changes and the differences, the Fraternity creates a consistency that almost resembles family traditions. A trip through the chapter house becomes akin to a holiday gathering. Discussing the Ritual, that timeless bond for thousands of brothers, is like looking through a family photo album. And that’s exactly the point: that Ritual is supposed to be the one tie that all our members have.

“Seeing the Initiation Ceremony again, I realized that it was exactly the same,” Charles says. “I knew they” — speaking of both his son and grandson — “were becoming a part of something special.”

“‘The True Gentleman’ means a lot to you as you get older,” Bob says. “The best thing about the Fraternity is the ongoing friendships, and that’s not something you can understand until you get older.”

Getting older and watching his friendships grow is something Matt has to look forward to, but he’s already has his way modeled for him. During the annual Founders Day event at the Oklahoma Country Club, he watched men, ranging in age from his youthfulness to older and more experienced fathers, grandfathers and even great-grandfathers, fill the halls. “We fill up the place with alumni, actives and legacies,” Matt says. “It’s great to see three, or even four, generations in one place.”

If generations of Sigma Alpha Epsilon men are what Matt is looking for, he needs to go no further than his own family. For the Monnet men, the bonds of family reinforce the bonds of brotherhood — and those bonds may continue in the future. “If I have a son,” Matt says, “I’ll make sure he understands what Sigma Alpha Epsilon means to this family.”

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